Go
back to Behavior Analytic Autobiographies
Behavior
Analytic Autobiography: Andrea Rau
A SEARCH FOR MY JEWISH MOTHER
A search for my “Jewish Mother”; a voyage that all
must attempt. In this quest lies the opportunity to justify your
odd, obsessive- compulsive tendencies and understand your parents’ neurotic
and unyielding ways. I begin by examining both of my parents. Yes,
there are definitely signs of the “Jewish Mother Syndrome.” But
what is the etiology of this fascinating syndrome? Ah, yes! That
would be Grandma Jenio and Grandpa Rau. Although completing unrelated,
these two individuals passed on the genes to one of their children.
My grandma Ida Jenio
was a beautiful, kind-hearted woman who could never be made happy.
She lacks the traits of a Jewish Mother; however she provides all
the reasons to become one. Spaghetti sauce running over the pot,
pots and pans arranged ever so messily in the cupboards and stacks
of laundry awaiting the arrival of the iron are all motivating
variables for becoming neurotic. And this is where my mom comes
into the picture. During her youth my mom would voluntarily spend
her Saturday afternoons organizing pots and pans in neat, sizable
order, ironing clothes, and vacuuming ever so carefully to design
the most beautiful creation of “carpet lines”. My mom displayed
these anal qualities in her academic life as well. She has achieved
success by graduating from high school and the undergraduate and
graduate level with honors and ending her academic career with a
Bachelor’s Degree in Special Education for Mentally Impaired
and a Master’s Degree in Learning Disabilities.
My mom practically coined
the term “Jewish Mother”.
When we are expecting company, no member of the family is allowed
to put anything in the bathroom wastebaskets. In the event someone
is to throw a tissue in the bathroom prior to company arrival, overcorrection
is implemented and the tissue must be removed in addition to emptying
other visible wastebaskets. Please don’t get the wrong impression
of my mother though. She is the most amazing woman in the world and
many of her Jewish Mother qualities have had a tremendously positive
effect on me. My brother and I were the only kids on the block with
a scheduled study time. We arrived home, had a ½ hour to unwind
and eat a snack, then study time began. The kitchen timer was set
and we were required to work the entire time. My brother had a tendency
to appear as though he was working, while creating some other mischief.
Therefore, my mom was required to sit at the table and monitor our
performance. In my brother’s academic life he focused on process
rather than product and after years of struggle my mom softened and
simply settled for any productive work. As for me…I required
myself to write my spelling words repeatedly until each was perfect.
My grandpa Delbert Rau was a corporal in the marines and often
brought those solider-like qualities home. Although he was a kind
and loving father, he ran his household like boot camp with very
rigid and precise rules. All members of the family were required
to chew each bite 32 times before swallowing and unable to leave
the dinner table unless every single last bite was eaten! Although
he is not a perfect example of a Jewish Mother, the military rearing
environment was one of which rigid behavior was reinforced.
My father naturally exhibits
many of those qualities as well. Although not nearly strict as
my grandpa (or as anal as my mother), when he is passionate about
something, watch out, here comes a “want-to-be
Jewish Mother”! My dad coached me in soccer for approximately
5 years and I was always forced to be a perfect example. He would
preach “practice makes perfect!” as I ran laps for punishment
of a poor practice or, when I had to return to shooting over and
over until I made each shot correctly. He also paralleled a broken
record with his repetitive demands for summer soccer camp applications.
Needless to say, I spent 2 months each summer sweating at soccer
camps and training.
Aside from obsessive
cleaning habits and army-inspired coaching traits both of my parents
emphasized the importance of academic success. Attending college
was not an option for me; it was a predetermined decision. From
my first freshman semester to my now first graduate school semester,
my dad had not stopped saying, “So, when you
get your Ph.D. …” He wants nothing
more than to introduce me as “Dr. Andrea Rau”. With my
inner Jewish Mother and the support of my parents I may one day have
those three important letters following my name.
I began imitating my
mom’s behaviors at a very young age.
I am one of few children who chose a toy vacuum over a Barbie doll.
My Jewish Mother training also began very young. As soon as I was
old enough to be a in “big girl bed” I was old enough
to start making it as well. That bed was made, remade and then smoothed
out a million times until there was not a wrinkle to be found and
the pillow sat perfectly up right. To this day the main attraction
of my home is the store-like display of a perfectly made bed. It
is somewhat embarrassing to admit, however when I do fail at making
my bed first thing in the morning, I become overwhelmed with anxiety.
My mom always says, “You never know when someone will stop
by unexpectedly and you don’t want them thinking you keep a
messy house.” Therefore, feel free to stop by because my house
is perfectly clean!
As a 5 th grader I had very few responsibilities with one being
good hygiene. My mother stood monitoring the bathroom as my brother
and I rigorously brushed our teeth every morning and every night.
For that reason, I prided myself in a perfect set of pearly whites.
I also was proud of my 5 year running total of perfect 100% correct
spelling tests! However, one particular day fate had a different
plan. I cried myself to sleep that night when I received my first
98% and my first cavity! This was a day never to be forgotten.
I carry my strict regimen
through all aspects of life. Trying to succeed as a 5’3” goalie,
I ran additional laps after soccer practice or came home and jumped
rope until my legs buckled. Even after my 5 th grade mishap, I
continued to focus strongly on my grades and managed to make honor
role every year.
At 21 years old, I am
still unsure as to which of my parents is a bigger softy, even
more so, a bigger Jewish Mother. What I am sure of, is that my
parents instilled in me a powerful combination of skills such as
strong work ethic, motivation, organization, priority and self-control.
Now whether or not I will be a professional soccer goalie in the
U.S. Olympics is still a goal of mine. As to flawless teeth and
perfect spelling…I still have some work to do.
As I reflect on the discipline
in my life I am humored that the Jewish Mother in both of my parents
still controls my behavior 2 ½ hours
away! This only proves that I have already begun the process of becoming
my parents. My inner Jewish Mother has evolved and is energetic and
determined to save the next generation.
Go
back to Behavior Analytic Autobiographies
|
